Love as a Leadership Trait

Life sometimes just doesn't go the way we want it to. Our Head of School is leaving, and I am still in a state of denial. For most of the time we worked together, he served as the upper school principal AND HoS. I have only had one other administrator that comes anywhere close to being the kind of leader that this man is. The reason I admire him may surprise you.

DW, as I will refer to him, has many leadership traits that I want to emulate. The one thing that really stands out to me, though, is love. I cannot think of a single decision that he made that was not done through a lens of love: love for the school, love for the teachers, and love for the kids. This love was genuine and evident. Love may not be high on your list of leadership traits; I beg to differ.

When DW had to discipline a student, it was never about punishment. He wanted the child to realize his mistake and leave his office a better person. They usually did. He was fair and would give appropriate punishment, but that wasn't his primary focus. Punishment was not the primary way he communicated with students; he always took time to get to know the kids. Even though he was very busy, he still wanted to teach the seniors so he could pour into them before they left the sanctuary of high school. Do I try to really get to know my students? Do my students know that I too try to make every decision out of love? I hope so, but I probably need to try harder.

As a teacher, we never had to question if he loved the staff. Even when he made a decision I didn't agree with, I knew his basic reasoning. DW wanted to do the right thing. What made a bigger impression on me is that he went above and beyond his duties.  I will never forgot having horrible morning sickness and DW keeping me stocked in saltine crackers. When we were on a field trip while I was pregnant in NY, he constantly checked on me and made sure I had water. He also made sure my pregnant back had a cushy chair for graduation. He did things like this for others, too. Sometimes little things make a huge impact.

Parents were able to witness DW's love in action, too. One thing he is famous for is walking students in the school under an umbrella when it rained. If a parent had a complaint, he always took time to really listen to them, and they usually left happy just by talking to him. He really cared and valued their opinion. They knew it.

DW is the very definition of servant leadership. Everyone has their flaws, but he is definitely an example to follow in all areas of my life. He will truly be missed.

Building Relationships in the Classroom

A co-worker who is attending graduate school recently asked if he could interview me for one of his class projects. The first question was about cheating. Not a difficult one. The rest, however, really got me thinking. One in particular is still stuck in my mind.

He asked me what is the most important part of each school day. Whoa. How can I name just one part? I decided to look at it backwards and eliminate the unimportant parts first. But wait, I couldn't really eliminate anything either. Assessment is important, planning is important, teaching is important.

I finally realized that it is all about relationships. The most important time in my day is the time I spend building relationships with my students. This is during class, before school, at after school activities, etc. Long after students forget about split infinitives, they will remember what kind of relationship I had with them. This doesn't mean I become their best friend. It means I take an interest in their lives, let them know I care, and let them know I will treat them fairly.

Relationships are key in education. A great relationship can make or break classroom management. A great relationship can get students to give their best. A great relationship can encourage students to become lifelong learners.

I actually just had an interesting conversation with my students. It came up in conversation that I am an introvert; they were shocked. I told them that in general I don't like people, I hate talking on the phone, and I would stay home all the time if I could. They asked why I teach. I told them that students are different; I enjoy talking with them. Although this delved a bit into my personal life, they see that I am a real person. It was a waste of possibly 90 seconds of class, but it allowed me to create a bond with some who also see themselves that way. Several said, "Me too, Mrs. South!" This was a priceless moment and possibly the most important part of my day today.